Tuesday, April 12, 2011

How to be Who You Are, Against All Odds, Pt 3 - Defining your needs, wants, loves and desires

Photo: Leaving a Mark

This series is part of an extensive essay I wrote to explain theraputic methods I have myself used and have taught to my friends. I think a lot of people out there have no idea what they really want or who they really are, because we have all been trained so long to follow the herd and trends and authority. Those walls need to be broken back down so that your true self can grow and flourish, and you can find true happiness from within yourself.

Don't deny yourself your true feelings. Acting on them may or may not be necessary, but what is absolutely necessary is admitting to yourself that you have them. It is the only way to make a decision on what to do about them and clear the playing field.

When working on what you desire and really want, journaling again is a great way to help yourself out. Write down desires, don't be afraid to write the deepest darkest ones, and as doubts surface making you feel fearful or embarrassed, write them down too. Try to pinpoint why you feel that what you want is not for you to have, down to something that was said to you or taught to you, or something that is generally not accepted in society. Make your way to the source. Examine the source. Pick it apart. Write how you feel about the source honestly. Is it someone/something you genuinely trust and love, or is it an authoritarian figure in your life you feel obligated to listen to?

If it is society - you don't have to listen to them.
If it family - you don't have to listen to them.
If it is friends - you don't have to listen to them.
If it is your boss - you don't have to listen to them.
If it is the government - you don't have to listen to them.

Not listening to any of the above parties has consequences. Most likely, those consequences are why you have avoided breaking the rules and following your heart. Think about what the consequences are... write them down. Are they so terrible? In some cases, I'm sure that they will be. If your deepest desire is to kill someone, I don't reccommend "trying it out" as the consequences are life threatening... and personally I feel that act is immoral. However, much of the time you will find that the consequences you are hiding from aren't all that bad. If you're going to make someone angry, they will get over it in time. If it will alienate your family, do you really want them in your life if they can't let you be who you are? After all they were there when you were young and had some part in making you who you are. Are you afraid of disappointing someone? Their disappointment is their own - they should not have held expectations over your head for you to fit their idea of you. If you won't be accepted as part of the crowd anymore - one, do you want to be part of a crowd if you have to wear a mask all the time? That cannot make you happy. two - you'll find a new crowd, and if you're being yourself it will be a crowd who appreciates you for who. you. are.

So the challenge is to weigh the action and the consequence objectively. Remember that you are weighing your right to be who you are against your will to please others. If you follow your will to please others, it is the only part of you that will be real and not fake.

Next Post: Accepting Yourself

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