Friday, April 8, 2011

How to be Who You Are, Against All Odds, Pt 2 - Clear out old baggage

You didn't cause it, you didn't want it, stop carrying it around!

Photo: Ghosts

This series is part of an extensive essay I wrote to explain theraputic methods I have myself used and have taught to my friends. I think a lot of people out there have no idea what they really want or who they really are, because we have all been trained so long to follow the herd and trends and authority. Those walls need to be broken back down so that your true self can grow and flourish, and you can find true happiness from within yourself.

Journal. Journal, journal, journal, journal. I cannot say it enough. If you don't want to directly write the events down, think about them and put it into poetry. Think about them (to the point you are overcome and may cry) and paint. Talk to yourself and discuss it aloud. Yes, I'm telling you to answer yourself. It's ok. You aren't crazy.

In this case, if you feel you are carrying baggage (and you most likely are), try to assess how that baggage is showing up in your life. Are you pushing people away? Drinking? Baggage manifests itself in many ways and the most well known is that you treat a current relationship a specific way because of a past relationship. If you got cheated on, you may suspect this person will cheat on you and you try to prevent it or find out if it has happened - without them having actually cheated on you or even done something to indicate they would. This means that when you were hurt before, you bottled up your emotions and your fear and kept it hidden somewhere because dealing with it was too painful and you stopped the process by hiding in something - drugs, alcohol, sex, food, shopping, reckless behavior, anything else with a pleasure response that can be addicting. When you stop the process, you hang in limbo. The limbo goes by the name of whatever damage was done to you, and until you fully work through the feelings surrounding that damage, you can neither heal it nor escape from it. Anyone you get close to will feel the impact of it, and it can (and often does) cause a repeat cycle of the same relationship problems over and over and over, making you wonder why all the people you date treat you the same crappy way.

Where you are in your head dictates what kind of people you draw to you. If you are subconsciously seeking commiseration, then that is what you'll find. If you subconsciously feel you aren't worthy of being treated well then you will find people who treat you badly. If you're trying to drown yourself in sex, then you will find like minded individuals and even though you may consciously think you want a serious relationship, the only signals you are going to put out are ones that draw people who are looking for the quick fix, not love. If you meet people who do not serve or share the needs going on in your head, you won't connect with them and may even dislike them. Or, sometimes in a sub-consciously self loathing way you will dislike people who feel and act the same way you do.

Allowing your mind to continue the same pattern will cause your life to continue the same pattern. It's not any external piece that needs fixed, it's in your head.

Next Post - Defining your needs, wants, loves and desires.

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