Friday, July 23, 2010

My Journey

It all began in a hotel somewhere in Maryland...

I'm just kidding.

The first time my eyes were opened to the imperfection of Religion was when I was about ten. I was being a good girl and going to church, which I believed to be a safe place. At that age I was teased in school, my peers could be utterly relentless and I often came home crying. One day at church, a kid I went to school with as well began to pick on me. There were adults around - Christian adults - who did nothing about it. I was very hurt, and I realized that even in the house of God I was not safe from this cruelty. It was my first taste of the hypocrisy of Christians as well.

Through the years, my dissent from the ideas of Christianity that I was raised with grew. I found more and more contradiction and hypocrasy, and more and more frequently I was hurt and offended and just plain shocked at the actions of people, Christian or otherwise. I recognized what Christ represented, and that none of these people were true Christians as they didn't in any way strive to be like him. I stopped calling myself Christian.

Then came years of confusion, of self doubt, and of fear. I read about other religions and learned what it was they believed and yet there were still vestiges of fear that if I walked away from what I had been taught I would go straight to hell. I retained my belief that Christ represented something extremely important to mankind, and continued my study of other religions. I asked for a sign that I wasn't crazy, or alone. Then one day I was speaking to a friend I hadn't known very long, and we got into a discussion about religion and found that our beliefs were very similar despite having very different backgrounds and upbringing. I felt that she was what I had been looking for, I knew that I was not alone and that I wasn't the only person disatissfied with the religions out there.

It was about that time that my foray into Wicca occured. I know that many who reject Christianity seem to end up as Pagan or Wiccan, but I was not one of them. While I again found virtues and very good ideas within both religions, they still had the thing that drove me away - they were still religions.

Then came the years of darkness. I stepped away from my beliefs completely, and essentially took a time out. I had become overcome with fear and at that same time I had found what I thought was my soulmate. (and in a way, I suppose he was) I shut everything off, I shut down the channels, closed myself off from my family, and lived an entirely different lifestyle than I ever had before. I went from working second shift for more than 10 years to working first shift, became far more responsible and began thinking about family things. I got on a more solid schedule than I had ever been on before and saved money. Near the end of this time period, things began to push their way open again. This was around the age of 28, at Saturn's Return, (who also happens to be the original ruling planet of my sign) and it really turned my world upside-down.

Things broke open, my intuition came back with a vengence, my spirituality flooded back, it was if I had been asleep and woke up again. All it took was the opening of a discussion with my friend, the one who later asked what I would call my religion if I were to start one. The person I had thought was my soulmate showed himself to be nothing that I thought he was, and I realized that we had already had the time we were meant to have, that the time had passed, and my destiny was pushing me on to something else.

Since that time I began this blog and have been vigorously researching every bit of spiritual, religious, historical, ancient, paranormal, scientific, and philosophical information I can get my hands on. My thirst for knowledge is unending, and my intuition continues to intensify by leaps and bounds. As I learn, I write. I notate both what I have learned that is relevant and I also write my own intuitions and ideas as well. I've filled many notebooks in just under a year, and the stack continues to grow.

I have discovered so many facinating things that I never knew, and I have also found that some of my theories are echoed in other peoples ideas and also in actual findings of science. Most importantly, the more I learn the more I realize how little I really know... If I really know anything at all.

That brings me here. I am on a path, a path I call the Journey, a path I have been driven to share with you. My writings are here for your perusal, and soon I shall be posting my journey related art as well. I also hope to someday organize all of the information within my notebooks and possibly even publish it in some format.

To those of you who are coming along for the ride, Welcome.

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