Saturday, June 4, 2011

Don't be who they want you to be

So many people worry about being accepted, being part of the group, being liked, and fitting in. They follow trends and buy the right things. They work jobs that allow them to afford those things, and go into debt because "it's what people do" in life.

They avoid going to extremes, bend their opinions around the opinions of others, even agonize over decisions that could "step on someones toes". The thought of being exiled or outcast, unable to make friends, be social or get dates is life threatening to them. They put up with superficial friends who they may be buddies with and whose company they enjoy, but who they feel don't really understand them. Usually they have that one best friend they know really understands them, but not always.

What is everyone so afraid of?

Allow me to explain. I am an outcast. From the time I hit kindergarten, I wasn't like the other kids. I was different, and I just never fit in. In a way, I feel like I've spent my entire life outside looking in. While it was painful when I was younger, that was because I was young and growing and needed human interaction and support that I wasn't receiving.

Now that I am an adult I know that growing up that way gave me strong coping skills - I don't rely on other people for happiness. I understand that the only place it can come from is within myself, and other people can only have an impact on that happiness if I let them.

Not to be insensitive, but trying to please people or look the way you think they want you to is a bit cowardly. It's trying to cover up who you really are and bury it under the guise of trend and being the norm. It's just a disguise, and deep down you know it feels fake. You've told yourself this is who you are for so long you don't even know who you really are anymore - but you know that you're unhappy.

Let go, give it up, make a decision. It's happiness or popularity. They don't play well together, you usually can only have one or the other.

When you lose the fake friends - the ones who are around you because you act or look the way they want or expect - you'll find more real friends. People who actually care about the person you are instead of the person you appear to be will come into your life.

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